No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
