Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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