you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
