it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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