Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize