You don't have asthma, your pregnant
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
