3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
