I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
