the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
