My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
