so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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