12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
