Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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