i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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