My first STD was from a foam party
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
