Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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