i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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