Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
