He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
