Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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