i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
