Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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