btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
