it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
