I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
