I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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