Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
