I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
