I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
