I wish I only lived at night.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
