The best revenge is premature balding
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
