so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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