it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize