Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
