ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
