so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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