just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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