Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
