Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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