Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
