I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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