every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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