lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
