Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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