God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
