wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
