Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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