so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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