Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
