hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
