How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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