hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
