Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
