Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
