come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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