She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
