She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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