I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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