Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
