I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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