So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
