I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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