I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
