3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
