You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize